This submission from Colleen came with the cheerful invitation to “feel free to a-linger while you’re having your tires aligned!”
But honestly, Colleen: did you stop and ask what an alingment was? We don’t know for sure that it’s a misspelling; it could be a totally new procedure that, say, electric cars need, and we just don’t know. If you want your full quota of RPB points, you need to get out and ask. None of this slacker journalism, peeps! 😛
They aren’t. I don’t care if you’re using the meme generator over a picture of Mother Theresa (which: please don’t). You still have to write it correctly.
Reporter #1 agrees with me.
I remember it. But I refuse to acknowledge that memory based purely on the creator’s inability to use the proper form of “you’re” as well as the unnecessary capitalization of If and To. I guess I can roll with the phonetic “enough” since the whole thing is meant to be silly, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.
Okay, now I am going to rant about this particular meme, which isn’t yet quite driving me absolutely crazy but is rapidly heading there. The first one I saw was the one with a cassette tape and a ballpoint pen that said “‘Like’ if you’re old enough to understand the connection between these two things.” And y’all, I liked it. I did. It took me on a little trip down memory lane; for a second, I was sitting hunched over by my dad’s desk, cassette and pen in hand and lap full of weightless magnetic film that threatened to knot into unsolvable wads with every breath, desperately trying to figure out where the tape had become inverted. I am, in fact, old enough to remember the connection, and presumably people somewhat younger than I aren’t, and that’s what makes the meme work.
See? You remember this. It probably happened on your TV this very week. And if you don’t remember it from seeing it on TV, you remember it because it is a cultural trope. Did you just relive a life experience unique to people of your age group? You did NOT. Q.E.D.
Y’all, RPB is contagious. It’s a fever. And the only prescription… is more cowbell.
Er, I mean, having your submission posted, so that you’re not the only one of your siblings who has yet to be anointed by the RPB.
This is why I am ignoring my personal rule of thumb and posting an email. Because I have to, y’all. You see, Heather is the only one of three sisters who has not yet been published here! We have to fiiiiix iiiiiit.
I wonder if Gigatent asks its prospective employees for resume’s?
Thanks for the submission, Heather, and welcome to the club. 🙂
Uh… Candygram.
As always, I can mostly leave this post up to Reporter #1 herself. First, a picture from Johnston Ridge Observatory at Mt. St. Helens.
The ants go marching one by one, hoorah, hoorah. The ants go marching one by one, hoorah, hoorah! The ants go marching one by one until the side of their mountain fell down and then it erupted in a way that geologists and vulcanologists had totally not anticipated, leading to the loss of 57 lives and the biggest landslide ever recorded. So that’s why there’s a monumant.
Actually, Reporter #1, you might be having too much fun with this.
I got nothing. I’m just sad.
That’s more like it.
I got things! Sorry, thing’s. My favorite is the list of good and bad attributes at the bottom, which lead me to believe that this workplace would be approximately my personal nightmare. Also, Manager who likes to Give Direction, Randomly Capitalize, and Never Let Your Employees Take Breaks? “Unlike” is not the word you wanted. Ahem.
My husband and I have a funny story, in that way couples have stories that have become funny through time and retelling. It’s not about us, of course, but a completely hypothetical couple who isn’t us.
At the time our story takes place, one half of the couple — let’s call that half Apple — was in school and writing a lot of papers, including frequent use of fairly specialized terminology. Making a perfectly reasonable decision, Apple decided to turn off the spell-check feature on the word processing program, lest the squiggly red lines take over the screen entirely.
Unbeknownst to Apple, her partner — we’ll call the partner Bacon — was planning a special gift. Not being an intuitive Red Pen Brigade sort of person, Bacon used the word processor to check the spelling of some words to be engraved on Apple’s shiny new item. Not seeing any squiggly red lines, Bacon happily went off and had a typo engraved on the gift (that’s right… the engraver also didn’t catch the mistake).
Obviously, this not-us story is hilarious, which is why when we find ourselves recounting it, for one reason or another, we totally don’t end up having a disagreement about whether unilaterally turning off the spell-check is a good idea. ANYWAY.
I have a point here, and it has to do with this lovely submission from Ernie.
My point is: this sign was typed. On some sort of digital device connected to a printer. In this day and age.
I choose to believe that the sign author’s spouse/partner/office-mate is a scholar majoring in something with a lot of jargon, like neurobiochemistry. (Squiggly red line!) It doesn’t exactly excuse the author’s spelling decisions, but at least it is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they weren’t fixed.
(Thanks, Ernie!)
Here, walk through this one with me.
Think about vacations. You know how vacations are. You plan for them, and as you do you get excited. Maybe, if you’re me, you also start freaking out about packing and your spouse decides to hide under the bed until the suitcases are sealed (which is usually about 45 minutes before you have to be at the airport, regardless of time of day or sleep patterns). But anyway: you get excited.
And then you have the vacation, and it’s fabulous, and you love it, and the only bad thing is that the whole time it’s going on, you know it’s going to end.
And THEN you get to pack (less stressful on the way home, at least!), and leave the nice place, and carry the heavy luggage, and fly with the kid kicking your chair every 20 seconds, and have the stupid really long layover, and realize you have to go to work tomorrow, and since your flight is late probably the dog will have peed on the floor, so the very first thing you get to do when you get home is try not to step in the pee as you feel around for the light switch in the kitchen.
So you know how you’re feeling, right about now?
Now imagine that you see this. (Also, if it isn’t the case, imagine that you speak French.)
It’s times like these that it’s hard not to freak out and wind up on an episode of Airline. I mean, you’re exhausted, and you’re on your way home from a nice vacation and about to step in a puddle of pee… the LAST thing you want is existential musings about delicious pastries!
I don’t know whether this object was, in fact, bread or chocolate. Either way, it was tasty.
(First poster with the source citation gets 10 RPB points.)
An obvious downside to having been in hibernation for three months is that I failed to scurry and get screen-grabs of the good stuff you guys sent in. I really wish I could contextualize this one that Reporter #1 found on the Fox News website.
I couldn’t find it in their archives, either. But look what I did find: a correct use of the phrase “reek havoc.”
I love it when grammar geeks have fun.
I remember something, from somewhere, sometime, about how They were going to simplify all traffic signs in this great country and switch to only using pictures. I can’t remember whether this was in response to linguistic diversification or the belief that reading was just too hard for some people behind the wheels of cars. I can’t even prove it’s true and not a total figment of my imagination or something that seemed like a good idea at 3am in the dorm lounge. Google isn’t helping, although it did lead me to the absolutely delightful Irrational Signs blog, which is now going to suck up some of my time.
[time passes]
Ahem. Anyway. It would appear that something is going on in the field of Sign Dumbification, and we have evidence.
I’m going to go ahead and guess that the sign on the left is newer. For one thing, it’s shinier. But mostly because it looks like it used a little less metal (cheaper!) and clearly its authors felt we wouldn’t mind a little fast-and-loose with spelling. Sigh.
Of course, it’s also possible this is some kind of science experiment. Somebody has hypothesized that the juxtaposition of these two signs will cause a certain type of person to stop, do a double-take, and then suffer a massive HEAD ASPLODE. Hey, as long as they take a picture first. Right, John P.?
I won’t say this is my PET peeve, but it’s a peeve. Fortunately, it’s Colleen’s pet peeve, so I’ll let her take it from here.
A few days later, Colleen forwarded this with delight. Well, delight at her husband, I mean, not delight at the typo, and probably not delight at mega-grocery store Albertsons. And while we’re on the subject, Albertsons — your “about” page informs me that you were founded by Joe Albertson, and that makes me suspect that you probably want an apostrophe IN YOUR OWN NAME, but OKAY
.
And just a day later, Colleen sent this, which she received from her sister. The whole family is vigilant!
CHALLENGE:Â How many wrong examples of this can YOU find today, Dear Reader?
BLOG NOTE: I’m working overnights. I won’t say I’m in a permanently bad mood, but I’m permanently confused about days and times. Posts may be sparse until my next shift rotation…
“Picktures” is pretty straightforward. Â (You can’t see it, but they were apparently made out of “papper.”)
But… is “fish bate” a thing?  See, it was definitely advertised as if it were a thing to eat, so it isn’t “bait” misspelled.  And I have no other idea what it could be.   Pâté?
