An alternate world

Written By: admin - Feb• 27•12

My parents like antiques.  One of their antique phases involved globes, and as a consequence of their little hobby, I learned that you can date (and authenticate!) globes based on how they label certain parts of the world.  One of those date-indicating regions is the Middle East, so I always check that out first, when I’m practicing my antique-evaluating powers.

Here, I’ll show you.  Let’s use this lovely little globe as an example.

My expert analysis:

1.  FAKE.

2. Fakers had no spellcheck on their computers?  As far as I’m aware, neither “Isreal” nor “Jordon” is a real word.  Does nobody notice the squiggly red lines??

 

A valiant attempt!

Written By: admin - Feb• 24•12

“Hey, whatchoo doing?”

“I’m working on a sign for the front door so people know they can come in here even during the festival.”

“Oh.  Hey, I think you need an apostrophe in ‘Tuesdays.'”

“Really?  Huh.  Okay.  I guess I’ll add one right… here.”

A contemplation of cheese

Written By: admin - Feb• 23•12

Sometimes when I’m bored I go shopping.  I don’t always buy things, but I like to look.  And now I also like to take pictures.

For your consideration, the wrapper of the cheese I found at Kroger.

Ahem.

…If it had anymore than it’s 75% butterfat, it would technically be better.

Now I’m not at all going to argue that more butterfat will most probably make anything better.  That seems obvious.

But check this out!  Mere inches away, I found this sign.

I can only surmise that the wrapper was written first, and the sign is the product of a revision by an Honorary RPB Member.  Look at the masterful use of dashes and semicolons!  As well as, you know, a basic understanding of the difference between contractions and possessives.

Burlington Coat Factory: At least they’re consistent

Written By: admin - Feb• 22•12

You’ll have to take my word that this comes from a Burlington Coat Factory ad.

Actually, you won’t.  I can provide some evidence.  You can also just click through above to the website and see for yourself…

Plus, I’ve written about them before.  REPEAT OFFENDERS.

The Food Network makes me sad. And hungry. And sad.

Written By: admin - Feb• 21•12

We love Chopped.  It’s a fun show and we feel adventurous and cultured and foodie-esque when we watch it.

We love Ted Allen.  He wears fun footwear and injects exactly the right amount of host into his game show.

We also love the Arabic language, which is written in a cursive style always.  I mean, it’s also good if you don’t completely misspell things (see previous post), but people working in foreign languages have been known to misspell things.  It’s less understandable how this could happen, repeatedly, again, some more.

June 2011:

January 2012:

Again, the problem is that they have weirdly used block letters rather than, you know, writing this word properly.  That is, this: should look like this: 

But I suppose that given what they did to molokhia last May, I should be grateful that they got the right-to-left right.

Zen and the art of preserving the future which is our past.

Written By: admin - Feb• 20•12

I found this one at Kennesaw Mountain National Battlefield Park, which is really lovely.  It has a lovely little museum and lovely hiking and lovely things to look at.  Here, I’ll set the mood for you with some pictures I took.

The view from the top of the mountain, facing north to Tennessee:

…and looking south to Atlanta.

A miserable schnauzer who does not like hiking, even if the path is lovely.

Oops, sorry, I was trying to put you in a contemplative state of mind so you could properly appreciate this.

Ahhhhhh.

Faith and disgust, Consumer Reports style

Written By: admin - Feb• 17•12

Reporter #1 found this on the Consumer Reports website (a direct link requires a subscription).

I have nothing further to say about this nonsense.

I like your circles, Reporter #1.  I’d add some where we learn the microwave offers “excellent at” and “very good at” things.

Your timing is impeccable!

Written By: admin - Feb• 16•12

Today is my birthday!  (Or it will be when this is published… I’m writing it a couple of weeks ago!)

In honor of my birthday I am publishing the most cockle-warming submission I’ve received in a while.  It is from Reporter #1.

Reporter #1 admits that she staged this, which is awesome.  But SOMEDAY, people, I tell you — there will be a section of cards for those of us who care about grammar.  (Also, they will be funny and not offensive, but that’s another rant.)

Older does not necessarily mean wiser

Written By: admin - Feb• 15•12

Susan and Michael found this sign from a company that’s been around, apparently, for a hundred years… and still hasn’t mastered the apostrophe.

(You have to get a little squinty with this one, but it welcomes “homeowner’s.”)

Overthinking this, I’m pretty sure

Written By: admin - Feb• 13•12

Meg found this, although she didn’t say whether it’s from her own employee software, so I do not know.

Meg wants to know what exactly a “vaction” is.  But I’m kind of more interested in the SICK days.  None of the other designations are capitalized.  Does that mean SICK is an acronym? For what? And if not, does it just mean you have to be really, really REALLY sick to take those days?

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