Delay tactics

Written By: admin - Oct• 01•12

Reporter #1 was paying close attention while downloading her very important software, apparently, and now worries that iTunes might not be very good at math.

I think this is the digital equivalent of the perky hold voice assuring you that your call is very important and also next. We all know we’re not next, because we’ve been next for eleventy hours. But we like to be deceived, because otherwise we would have to gouge out our eyeballs with our phone receiver. (Hurts even more than a spoon!)

Seven steps doesn’t sound like that many. If they told you there were actually eleventy steps, you might reconsider the importance of your very important software!

RPB principles in action

Written By: admin - Sep• 28•12

FINALLY, an RPB contributor who gets what’s actually required of the RPB lifestyle. From Shannon M.:

The Baltimore Grand Prix had lots of display booths for companies that make fast cars. Chevrolet had a Corvette exhibit, featuring a ZR-1. Sadly, it had this sign on it, so they won’t be getting my $100,000. It’d go against my principles.

Shannon, as you may know, it’s been a longstanding dream of my husband’s to own a Corvette. He’d probably tell you it was a pre-dating stipulation, actually. I’ve been resisting on the grounds that he wants a yellow one and yellow is clearly gross. I mean, if he were into something that came with metallic flake we could talk, because who doesn’t want to drop $100k on a car? But yellow, no thanks.

Dear Husband hasn’t been totally persuaded by my anti-yellow argument, though. So the greater gift you’ve given me today, Shannon, is an absolutely indisputable reason to put that particular purchase off for another couple of decades!

Also, RPBers who have been hesitant to submit, embarrassed to photograph, and otherwise generally too timid, take note. Shannon is giving up his Corvette for the cause. That’s how it’s done.

And other things.

Written By: admin - Sep• 26•12

Kacia took an online survey asking her if she had done a variety of things recently. Eventually she encountered this question.

Kacia says “Why they felt the need to write ‘etc.’ with quotation marks (and without a period) I will never know.” But I think we’ve seen this before. I think it’s the “Yikes, I don’t know how to do this” phenomenon, and in this case the guess almost makes more sense than other arbitrary punctuation-panic mistakes. This one is more like saying “You know that word that means ‘and so forth’? That’s the word I’m intending to put here and I know it’s sort of like ‘etc’ but that might not be exactly right.”

Still wrong, though.

Let Wegmans make you laugh today!

Written By: admin - Sep• 24•12

Reporter #1 says,

Wegmans might be the reason Mama Baldwin can’t be persuaded to leave New York, but that doesn’t mean they know how to use apostrophes properly.

Okay, don’t hate me, Yankees, but this is absolutely the first I’ve heard of Wegmans, or of the apparently controversial on-again, off-again relationship with Alec Baldwin and his mother. Being who I am, my first concern about this entity was where it got its name. “Wegmans” sets off certain bells in my head, you know? The apostrophe-related bells.

But apparently the chain was founded by two brothers Wegman. So they’re okay on that point. I mean, they would have gotten major extra punctuation points for having gone with a terminal apostrophe — or alternatively they could have gone for major humor points with “Wegmen”! But that might be asking too much. We shall just be glad they’re not committing blatant apostrophe discrimination with their very existence.

That said, my personal giggle came from Reporter #1, who added

Also, do you know how hard it is to get the Wegmans bathroom to yourself so you don’t have to explain why you’re taking pictures of the sign on the diaper stand?

Guys, joining the RPB is nothing of which to be ashamed. Go forth and photograph proudly!

Must… maintain… cranial… integrity…

Written By: admin - Sep• 21•12

UPDATE: My father correctly points out that I have misspelled the great Yul’s last name. In the process of correcting this mistake I have also discovered that the video to which I linked has been taken down. So I’ve linked to another one, which is really worth viewing. Ignore the incorrect lyrics and enjoy the genius.

============

Julie noticed something about this charming new Bic product, as described by Amazon. I’d seen the product, because it’s kind of been meme-ified — fortunately, its fame seems to be due to a general recognition of the total stupidity at work here. (And also, the product reviews are awesome.)

I put some red arrows to help you move past the vomitousness and see the [typographic] error. You’re welcome.

$5 says the copywriter here put “women’s,” and then was all “Whoa, is it ‘women’s hands’ or ‘women’s hand’? Or even ‘womens’ hand’s? WHO KNOWS SCREW IT” and went with (or intended to go with) “a woman’s hand.”

Anyway, as Julie acknowledged, the typo is “by no means the wrongest thing about this product.” That’s for sure. I mean, I very clearly remember the etiquette class on ink. A lady doesn’t write by hand in black ink in this day and age, because doing so might lead to confusion about whether she hand-wrote her correspondence or printed/photocopied it. Of course, now that I think about it, that advice was probably given to me before color printers became common, and is probably irrelevant now, and now I’m going to have Yul Brenner Brynner  stuck in my head all day again.

Oh, wait, the actual other errors: “cristal” is not a thing, and also, you know, misogyny. Where’s Sarah Haskins when we need her?

More small favors!

Written By: admin - Sep• 21•12

Okay, Kacia is rapidly becoming Reporter #2! (That’s a challenge issued, Colleen. And Dad. Just saying.)

Kacia found this one on the Facebooks. I’m tagging Facebook posts now because Facebook is its own cesspool of typographic awful. You’re welcome.

Again, I’m distracted by the good in this post. I guess I’m just in an optimistic place recently! I’m just excited by that comma after “that.” I’m fantasizing that there was a matching comma at the other end. Leave me alone, it’s only my Tuesday.

(In other good news, the group in question appears to have either ceased to exist or have come to its senses, as I can’t find it on Facebook. Kacia, if you’re a member and know where they went, sent the info and I’ll linkify.)

Small favors

Written By: admin - Sep• 19•12

Kacia’s baaaaaack!

I know there’s things wrong with my synapses, y’all, but this sign actually just makes me feel grateful that the sign-creators didn’t make the Verizon Math error, which I see all the time. Yes, “ouce” could also look a lot like “ooze,” but I’m just glad they didn’t say “$.79 cents.”

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!

Written By: admin - Sep• 17•12

Rayanne caught this beautiful homophone mishap and sent it to me with a subject line saying “If you don’t like the music your dog is playing, just retract?”

Close reading will also reveal that “the retractable chord [sic] with let it run,” so obviously there wasn’t stellar editing going on here.

I don’t know about you guys, but the kinds of sounds likely to come out of my dogs are the kind where I want them to be on a longer leash, not a shorter one. So there’s that. I’m also not sure that either of them would consider an LED feature a reward when light will clearly make the delicious cockroaches run away. To each his own, I guess?

Perhaps the rules of grammar are different among squirrel-kind?

Written By: admin - Sep• 12•12

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gents: time for Kacia to monitor the Minnesota State Fair for RPB submissions!

As Kacia noted in her email, this is actually a really nicely made birdhouse. And as anybody who has ever interacted with squirrels knows, the warning is definitely appropriate. It’s the driving force behind so many fabulous inventions (check out the videos for the Whipper, Tipper, and Flipper at Droll Yankees if you don’t believe me).

I’m just concerned that a particularly well-educated squirrel might look at this and say “No squirrel is allowed in there? Clearly the owner of this home was concerned about squirrel-y solitude, as multiple squirrels are welcome. SQUIRREL HOUSE PARTY!”

And as we all know, squirrel house parties are a really bad idea.

Thanks, Kacia!

We take your point, but we’re still going to judge.

Written By: admin - Sep• 10•12

GrammarTroika sister #2, Shannon, saw this on her Facebook feed and sent it in with the cheerful comment “Hey, if YOU’RE happy together, F- the English language!”

I’m with you, Shannon, you know I am. But I’m pretty sure you’re not going to get super-positive feedback from your friend, you know?

Also, yes, “GrammarTroika” is a thing now. Also also, don’t click on the picture and view that Tumblr if you value your grammar-sanity. Let’s just say this is not the only picture that merits red ink.

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